In just a few weeks, I will be done with the semester at Southwest Acupuncture College and be heading home. For a few weeks in December, we have gratefully accepted an invitation from Pastor Kay to stay at her house. Yesterday, Roger and I received an email from her letting us know that a new mattress had been ordered for the guest bedroom. Roger replied with his thanks to her and further said, "With Malinda coming home, I would be sleep on the floor." Oh my gosh, what a LOVE!
We've been married twenty-four years this coming March. I feel that we are closer now than we have ever been. And as I reflect back over the years, I can't remember our first year of marriage being as difficult as these 5 months have been. Three months after we were married, Roger was sent to Korea with the Air Force. In their infinite wisdom, they left me to serve in Louisiana. There are huge differences in these periods of separation. In 1987, we had no internet or Skype or texting (or cell phones like today's) for that matter! In fact, I put him on a commercial flight out of Des Moines, Iowa, and had no idea how to contact him in Korea...no mailing address...no phone number - of course I knew I could always contact him through the Military or the Red Cross. But I just remember taking him to the airport and thinking, "Okay, I guess I'll see you, when I see you." And off he went! Of course, I shed about a gallon of tears, right there in the airport...but I guess at 22 years old you just pick yourself up by your boot straps and soldier on!
I can't remember really what I did to occupy my time, except I was working and I think I watched a lot of MTV. Nothing like this separation where I'm in school a maximum of 3 hours per day. The rest of the time, I'm sitting right here at the dining room table studying. I think I've lived a healthier life this time - I have tried to "care" for myself by cooking good foods. I've napped when I felt like I needed to nap and I've reflected on this time and that time in the past.
There are times when the distance really doesn't seem that far, thanks to our morning Instant Message sessions on Gmail. And I think Skype is a fabulous tool to stay connected...that is until you hang up and then it kind of hits home how much you're missing out on. I find this to be especially true when we have Skype'd at my sister's house. Roger will go there for dinner on a regular basis and we connect up. It makes me miss everyone so much - to see their smiling faces and to know that they have enjoyed each other's company for a few hours. Nighttime is the worst for me - instead of going to bed and falling asleep, that is when my brain wants to kick in. Initially it was all about feeling "safe". I had to check and re-check that I had locked the door. And then, I wondered if I had turned off the stove. "Hum...now I need a drink" and all those other thoughts that the brain cycles through just to keep you awake. I still check the locks before I got to bed, but now the gymnastics that my brain is going through involve more thoughts about what is going on at home, what will the job market be like when I get there, will I go back to doing massage....what's Roger doing right at this instant? AND I have to admit, as annoying as it can be - I miss his "Darth Vader" breathing, right before he falls off to sleep.
So now, I'm counting down to the time when we are back in the same household. I feel like there is so much potential in our relationship and so many things that in the past I have taken for granted. Roger is my best friend, lover and rock. I only hope that he knows how thankful I am that all those years ago, he chose me. I love him with all my heart!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Changing Season
It will be interesting, really...to look back on this experience and see how I've grown and changed. I have had a rare opportunity for the past 4 months to "get reacquainted with myself". I have spent a lot of time alone, ruminating and determining what is important to me. Opportunities have presented themselves to me to feel vulnerable and have made me cry; while other situations have shown me just how strong and independent I am. What will this whole experience look like six months from now?
I am so grateful to my best friend and husband. Without his support, both financially and emotionally this would never have happened. And I am so thankful to Ken & Jan Beane for allowing Roger to live with them while I have been away. Without these two beautiful people, this could never have happened. They have also been encouragement for the journey constantly telling me I could do it and how proud of me they are. The praise of being told how proud someone is of you, gets to me every time. I don't know why it makes me feel so weepy, but it stirs up something in my heart and pushes me ahead to do my best. The flip side of that coin is that I'm always concerned about doing something that would make me disappoint those that I love. This is a top concern in almost every decision I make and probably needs my attention and to be explored a little more.
Sitting here, looking at the Sangre de Christo mountains, I have had the opportunity to reflect on how it feels to live in a community where you are fairly well known. Indianola is a small enough place, it's not easy to be a stranger there. When we first moved there 13 years ago, I can remember going into places and people turning around and looking. This was apparently very disconcerting to Roger (initially). He would bristle, his posture would change and perhaps even his breathing would become more rapid. He said to me, "Why are they looking at me...do they want to fight?" Oh Lord No!!! I told him that in my town, they where trying to place him with a family, "I think he went to school with my sister" or "His dad used to work down at the elevator"! And thinking about this mentality now, that is a wonderful environment to live in. I love going to Crouse Cafe and having Heidi or Abby know that I like Diet Coke with a splash of Cherry Coke. I love being stopped in the grocery store and asked if I have any massage appointments available this week. I have missed being a member of such a community. I go to the store knowing there is no chance I will run into anyone I know here in Santa Fe. And for me, this knowledge brings a tinge of sadness.
So now I'm sitting here and looking forward to the next chapter as I prepare to move back to my beloved community, family and friends. This journey didn't end up as I had intended, but perhaps this was what the entirety of the journey was about! The leaves are falling off the trees and the wind has taken on a cold bite; just as I have purged my life of a bunch of stuff both material and emotional. The seasons are surely changing and it will be interesting to see what fertile opportunities present themselves in this next phase.
I am so grateful to my best friend and husband. Without his support, both financially and emotionally this would never have happened. And I am so thankful to Ken & Jan Beane for allowing Roger to live with them while I have been away. Without these two beautiful people, this could never have happened. They have also been encouragement for the journey constantly telling me I could do it and how proud of me they are. The praise of being told how proud someone is of you, gets to me every time. I don't know why it makes me feel so weepy, but it stirs up something in my heart and pushes me ahead to do my best. The flip side of that coin is that I'm always concerned about doing something that would make me disappoint those that I love. This is a top concern in almost every decision I make and probably needs my attention and to be explored a little more.
Sitting here, looking at the Sangre de Christo mountains, I have had the opportunity to reflect on how it feels to live in a community where you are fairly well known. Indianola is a small enough place, it's not easy to be a stranger there. When we first moved there 13 years ago, I can remember going into places and people turning around and looking. This was apparently very disconcerting to Roger (initially). He would bristle, his posture would change and perhaps even his breathing would become more rapid. He said to me, "Why are they looking at me...do they want to fight?" Oh Lord No!!! I told him that in my town, they where trying to place him with a family, "I think he went to school with my sister" or "His dad used to work down at the elevator"! And thinking about this mentality now, that is a wonderful environment to live in. I love going to Crouse Cafe and having Heidi or Abby know that I like Diet Coke with a splash of Cherry Coke. I love being stopped in the grocery store and asked if I have any massage appointments available this week. I have missed being a member of such a community. I go to the store knowing there is no chance I will run into anyone I know here in Santa Fe. And for me, this knowledge brings a tinge of sadness.
So now I'm sitting here and looking forward to the next chapter as I prepare to move back to my beloved community, family and friends. This journey didn't end up as I had intended, but perhaps this was what the entirety of the journey was about! The leaves are falling off the trees and the wind has taken on a cold bite; just as I have purged my life of a bunch of stuff both material and emotional. The seasons are surely changing and it will be interesting to see what fertile opportunities present themselves in this next phase.
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Homecoming
Yesterday, I had the great honor of being part of the Peregrine Institute for Oncology Massage Training's graduation of the "Gratitude Pod". I was asked to be there as a graduate of the program in October of 2008. My pod's name is the "Purification Pod". This group of 5 women had incredible final projects. I was particularly take with Mary Peifer's presentation on advances in administering chemotherapy at a time of the day when the medications/toxins are most effective in treating the cancer. It was simply fascinating. I stood by as "technical support" - loading up their PowerPoint presentation, DVD or accessing the web for video clips. The world is truly blessed to now receive this 5 new Warriors.
After final presentations, I joined the infamous circle, for the graduation ceremony. We each put a memento in the center of the circle and had an opportunity to talk about what it was and why it was important. Mary had brought a small container of garden soil from her home in Illinois. She talked about the rich, fertile quality of the soil and about planting seeds and the wonder of that process in which they grow. She likened it to the journey she and her classmates had been on. In addition, she brought 5 small rocks that were given to her by a 95 year old patient that she is responsible for in her Parrish Nursing job. She talked about how special this woman is and the time spent with her as she lives her last days or weeks. They lady is a woman of means and had traveled the world The wisdom she passed on to Mary is that the importance of her life was kept in two metal tins on her dresser. To Mary's surprise when she opened the tins - they contained rocks. This woman had collected rocks from all of her trips and they were important to her because she could touch the rocks and remember the special moments of all these travels. For this little lady, all the wealth, status and material things really held no importance in her life.
Nikki brought two items to the circle. One was a paper-doll, with the face of one of her Oncology Massage clients who had recently passed. This woman was nearly the same age as Nikki and had children of her own. It was obvious from the respect in Nikki's voice that she held her client in high regard and had to work through some of her own grief in loosing her mother to provide the care that this dying patient needed. The other item that Nikki brought to the circle was a geode from the Loess Hills in Iowa. Nikki's mother was an employee of the State of Iowa and was involved in grant writing for the preservation of Iowa's natural resources. Sadly, Nikki's Mom, passed away suddenly in early summer. The geode was a gift from fellow co-workers of her Mom to all of the grandchildren.
There was a hummingbird plaque brought by Marcie and she talked about how beautiful and special these little birds are to her family. She also talked about what hummingbirds meant to her. Anna Marie brought a gourd filled with sea salt and related it to a cartoon she saw of a goat struggling up a precipice to get to salt. This she thought represented her struggle to get though this intensive program.
And my beautiful friend, Iris (from Hawaii) brought a rock. She had worked with a woman for many years in Hawaii and then the woman moved to Santa Fe. This friend of hers was not a massage therapist, but they had spend time together discussing massage and Iris had mentioned that she needed to get some rocks (for heated stone therapy). Her friend, not knowing really what she needed, presented a little brown rock to Iris. And in her kind and gentle way, Iris smiled and thanked her for the gift and it has since been rolling around in her purse. Ahhhh, to be as kind and gentle as Iris!
Lastly, I added something to the circle. Iris and I started this program together in 2006. At that time, I was working full time at Communications Data Services as a Trainer and doing massage on a part-time basis. It was a struggle to keep up with both, but it was manageable. I was having a hard time deciding whether or not to leave Corporate America and jump into running my own business full time. We discussed this within my group and it caused me some heartbreak and reflection. A week or so after coming home from this training session, a little box arrived. Inside that little box was a small ceramic piece. On on side it is white with a beautiful red heart, on the opposite side it is light blue and in white lettering it says, "Follow Your Heart". This, I too, have carried around in my coin purse since I received it.
This experience was all about a homecoming....these months in Santa Fe, have not really been so much about attending Acupuncture School as they have been about finding my home. Finding that place in my heart that is just too special to abandon. It has been about finding my way back to what is so important and then locking in on this special sphere and then acting in a way to make a difference in the world. Now that I'm back on track - I have some work to do! I thank God for this time to reflect.
After final presentations, I joined the infamous circle, for the graduation ceremony. We each put a memento in the center of the circle and had an opportunity to talk about what it was and why it was important. Mary had brought a small container of garden soil from her home in Illinois. She talked about the rich, fertile quality of the soil and about planting seeds and the wonder of that process in which they grow. She likened it to the journey she and her classmates had been on. In addition, she brought 5 small rocks that were given to her by a 95 year old patient that she is responsible for in her Parrish Nursing job. She talked about how special this woman is and the time spent with her as she lives her last days or weeks. They lady is a woman of means and had traveled the world The wisdom she passed on to Mary is that the importance of her life was kept in two metal tins on her dresser. To Mary's surprise when she opened the tins - they contained rocks. This woman had collected rocks from all of her trips and they were important to her because she could touch the rocks and remember the special moments of all these travels. For this little lady, all the wealth, status and material things really held no importance in her life.
Nikki brought two items to the circle. One was a paper-doll, with the face of one of her Oncology Massage clients who had recently passed. This woman was nearly the same age as Nikki and had children of her own. It was obvious from the respect in Nikki's voice that she held her client in high regard and had to work through some of her own grief in loosing her mother to provide the care that this dying patient needed. The other item that Nikki brought to the circle was a geode from the Loess Hills in Iowa. Nikki's mother was an employee of the State of Iowa and was involved in grant writing for the preservation of Iowa's natural resources. Sadly, Nikki's Mom, passed away suddenly in early summer. The geode was a gift from fellow co-workers of her Mom to all of the grandchildren.
There was a hummingbird plaque brought by Marcie and she talked about how beautiful and special these little birds are to her family. She also talked about what hummingbirds meant to her. Anna Marie brought a gourd filled with sea salt and related it to a cartoon she saw of a goat struggling up a precipice to get to salt. This she thought represented her struggle to get though this intensive program.
And my beautiful friend, Iris (from Hawaii) brought a rock. She had worked with a woman for many years in Hawaii and then the woman moved to Santa Fe. This friend of hers was not a massage therapist, but they had spend time together discussing massage and Iris had mentioned that she needed to get some rocks (for heated stone therapy). Her friend, not knowing really what she needed, presented a little brown rock to Iris. And in her kind and gentle way, Iris smiled and thanked her for the gift and it has since been rolling around in her purse. Ahhhh, to be as kind and gentle as Iris!
Lastly, I added something to the circle. Iris and I started this program together in 2006. At that time, I was working full time at Communications Data Services as a Trainer and doing massage on a part-time basis. It was a struggle to keep up with both, but it was manageable. I was having a hard time deciding whether or not to leave Corporate America and jump into running my own business full time. We discussed this within my group and it caused me some heartbreak and reflection. A week or so after coming home from this training session, a little box arrived. Inside that little box was a small ceramic piece. On on side it is white with a beautiful red heart, on the opposite side it is light blue and in white lettering it says, "Follow Your Heart". This, I too, have carried around in my coin purse since I received it.
This experience was all about a homecoming....these months in Santa Fe, have not really been so much about attending Acupuncture School as they have been about finding my home. Finding that place in my heart that is just too special to abandon. It has been about finding my way back to what is so important and then locking in on this special sphere and then acting in a way to make a difference in the world. Now that I'm back on track - I have some work to do! I thank God for this time to reflect.
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