Gaining Some Confidence

It's interesting really, never before have I felt this vulnerable. I have always been pretty confident in who I am and what I know about myself and my surroundings. This journey away from my "life" presented me with an opportunity to really question who I am and what I'm about. Looking at things from an Eastern perspective has been very disconcerting. I realize that I know very little about myself from this point of view and the not knowing is the hardest part.

Now that we are into the week of mid-terms and my knowledge is being challenged, I'm gaining confidence. My first mid-term test was returned to me today with a score of 94. The part of the test that I was most concerned with (diagnosis) I got all the questions right. This is a huge boost to my self-esteem. At the same time, this boost makes we waffle a little in my decision (along with Roger) to leave school at the end of the semester and move back to Iowa.

I waffle because I know that if I stuck it out - I would be a good acupuncturist. There is a lot, I could offer my patients....and then I think about the money involved in training at this school. I don't want $100,000+ debt at the end of four years. I think about the time commitment involved...and I don't want to sit at this dining room table for 6 hours a day X 4 years. Yet - part of me says...look what you could accomplish! Until this afternoon, I was very comfortable with my decision and now I have some feeling of loss - more than anything. It's not regret, it's not anger...it's just loss.

Leaving IS the best decision for me and my family. This program is too costly monetarily and emotionally for me and my family. I have not enjoyed being separated from my husband and best friend. So, I guess the next steps are to figure out how I can still pursue gaining this knowledge without having to live away from those that I love. Can I get the training online? Can I find a program that I can travel to on occasion, these are all questions floating through my brain. I CAN STILL BE A GOOD ACUPUNCTURIST - I just may have to be a little more creative with my training!